I haven’t been particularly busy since my last post. In fact I’ve been very, very lazy. I suppose it’s good to be lazy sometimes but it doesn’t stop the guilt plaguing me! I’ve been trying to do at least a little bit of sketching or whatever each day, to varying degrees of success. I’m trying to force myself to post every little piece of crap or gold I produce, so feast your eyes on this mixed bag.
I really enjoyed where the linework was going with the above piece. I worked on an A5 piece of thick watercolour paper, and the unyielding nature of the paper meant I got the finest line possible with my pen. However, I got the scale wrong on the page, meaning the decorative roof is falling off the top and I ended up squashing the overall image to try and fit it on the paper. Also, I forgot how to perspective.
This piece came about because I was trying to create some art for an art shop in Beverley which had asked to potentially stock my work (woo hoo!). But when this went wrong I decided to leave it for a bit and try again another time (a time which is yet to come up). I’m even tempted to work at home from photos to save myself the time and stress of always getting things wrong on location.
I’ve lost my confidence a little as a result of too many consecutive failures and I’m not sure whether I’ll get in contact with the shop any time soon because I don’t think I’m consistent enough yet to sell. I think my work is pretty good. But only when it is good! And that’s not often. Consistence is key.
On the bright side, I ended up going for coffee with a complete stranger who approached me as I was working (you can do that in non-murdery places like Beverley), and it was lovely and refreshing to meet a new interesting person with uncannily similar interests to my mother and I. I’m not much of a believer in fate, but this was as close as any experience I’ve had.
The following day I retired to the relative safety of a cafe after my blunder in town. I’m finding over time I’m getting more and more nervous of people approaching me to see my work. It’s mainly for 2 reasons; 1) my work is always going wrong and it’s embarassing, and 2) when people ask what I do, I can’t hide behind the title of student anymore! I hate it! When I say I’m an artist, people expect you’re a professional. And then we’re both disappointed with what we see on the page in my hands.
Over the course of the week I’ve been getting more and more unsettled and angry about my art ability. So I went and sat on my own in the garden to be angry and angrily draw a wheelbarrow and plants. You can tell I was angry because I didn’t try very hard and they suck. Angry angry.
Mum’s 8-year-old lurcher Charlie has the most hilarious and adorable proportions and is really fun to draw. It’s both a blessing and a curse that he shuffles around as much as he does. Sometimes when I catch him still for a few minutes though, I can get a decently rendered sketch. Feel free to laugh at the more failed sketches.
And finally… OIL PAINTING BLEUGH.
It is one of my greatest goals in life to become an accomplished oil painter outside of becoming a respectable artist in the game industry. I have boundless levels of respect and awe for painters. As such, I’ve been reading Alla Prima by Richard Schmid. It’s absolutely brilliant (and I may be slightly regretting loaning it to an artist friend for two weeks haha). It also makes me feel suitably useless at life, especially when I don’t understand what I’m reading (often).
At the very least it’s inspired me to start painting again, but every stroke I paint often leaves me more frustrated than the last. I just can’t articulate the amazing things I want to paint onto paper. That won’t stop me though. I’m hoping when I move down south to my new job to get involved as much as possible in whatever art community is down there, and perhaps look into seeking someone to mentor me in painting when I’m not working. In my dreams, I fantasise about studying at SARA. *sigh* But that will never happen, I can’t afford it. 😦 So I’ll have to find the next best thing. I’ve already started stockpiling plein-air equipment and more oil painting things ready for my weekends to practise.
If anyone has oil painting advice and critique as I share more oil stuff in the future, whoever you may be, then please impart your wisdom!
I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s edition of Anya’s Moaning. In happier news;
I will be graduating with a first class degree! It appears from my grade sheet online that I got a 95% mark on my Final Major Project, which is insane. I’m still waiting to see if this is an incorrect assumption, but I’ve been reassured it’s not and I see no evidence stating otherwise (it only says ’95’ on my sheet, but not what the 95 is out of).
I also found out today that on top of my first I will be receiving the DMU Media Production Best Final Year Student award! This made me so happy, and made me feel like my hard work and tears and just crazy hard work ethic had been recognised. It really made my day.
I’m feeling guilty for writing this blog at my computer now, so I should probably go draw to make myself feel better. Maybe I have a problem?
Art is hard, and it makes me want to cry and stomp and throttle people like a large toddler.
But it’s all good.