A Breakthrough.

For the first time in a long time I spent a great deal of today in my flat doing my uni work, and actually woke up at a (sort of) decent time. I’ve been trying to make myself do designs for my gladiator project but I just can’t bring myself to do it, so I procrastinated by starting to model the head and body of my gladiator instead. It’s like procrastinating, but not… I also did a few more character designs, and now have 10 designs of varying success. I could never normally do that much design work in 3 days; I’ve always found designing things really difficult and hence a bit of a chore. I’ve discovered that sitting in Cafe Nero for 4 hours a day drawing in the window really helps me both relax, and get on with what I need to do without it feeling like work.

Indeed, it is an expensive habit, but I find myself thinking ‘sacrifice for success’ and really despite the fact that I hate spending money, I find myself not caring because it’s something I’ve come to really love doing. I never realised that something so simple in my routine would make me feel so much better. I’m starting to talk more to one of the baristas, who it turns out is into indie game design, and I met a Libyan student the other day and we had a chat in broken English about Libya, Britain, and my art. It was lovely. So I’m meeting new people, developing my personality and social skills, and being surrounded by an ever-changing environment of interesting faces for my character project. I’ve developed my skill for drawing emotions, body language and anatomy, just from sitting and dong 5 second sketches of people as they rush by in their stressful and busy lives. I can feel myself improving.

Another visit was paid to Nero today (putting my cafe bill up to a hefty £15 in 3 days) with my boyfriend, where we did some drawing in my favourite window people-watching spot, and had a good talk about our course, my personality, stress issues, and how I’m dealing with them wrong. I ended up getting annoyed and silly, and did this in his sketchbook to make myself happy and calm again (viewer discretion advised);

Image

Feeling much better, we continued our conversation at a moderately mature level. I have a lot to say about what we discussed, which I will talk about in detail in a future post, but at the end of the day I was made to realise that despite the fact I stress and rage an unhealthy amount, I deal with my priorities relatively well and that’s why I’m good at what I do. I manage my time, and get everything done. I know that although I want to learn anatomy and colour theory and perspective and material properties AND do my uni work, I can’t. I accept it, and I don’t freak out about it. I let a lot of things freak me out, but not that. I understand how I learn, and although the fact that I can’t do everything and I’m not progressing as quick as I like really really annoys me, I can keep calm and do my studies because it’s what I’m good at. I learn while I do it, and enjoy it too. Once I have started to do more with anatomy and feel satisfied with my studies, I will move on moreso to actually studying anatomy properly and so on. 

What I’m trying to say is, I’m feeling good about life.

Happy Valentine’s Day yo.

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